What the fuck?

Theme songs of the day: Papillon by Chaka Khan aka Hot Butterfly
Gigilos Get Lonely Too by Morris Day & The Time
Don't wait for me by Morris Day & The Time
Sometimes I Get Lonely by Morris Day & The Time
Out on a Limb by Teena Marie

Mood: VERY RETROSPECTIVE & INTROSPECTIVE mixed with overall STRONG feelings of Pimpiness.

Chaka Khan - Papillon (aka Hot Butterfly)
A faded photograph I mailed to you
With feelings I don't want to face
And a long song of surrender in blue
I remember when you took my breath away

CHORUS:

Chanson papillon, we were very young
Like butterflies, like hot butterfly
Chanson papillon, we had just begun
We let it slide on by
We didn't realize

All our memories are burning in time
Like a bittersweet perfume
Can you tell me how a love that's so fine
Could have climaxed in a single afternoon

Gone are the days of instant romance
And the nights of slow goodbyes
That was a time of life when foxy was the dance
But then you got wise to all my lies

CHORUS

Chanson papillon, chanson
Chanson papillon, chanson
Chanson papillon, chanson
Chanson papillon, chanson

That's for everyone who ever wondered what the hell she was saying. I know I did. Though some people say she's saying CHAUD SONT papillon. I got kicked out of french class all the time so someone please clarify that for me.

GIGOLOS GET LONELY TOO
I guess you've heard of my reputation, I've had my share of foolin' around.
But everybody needs stimulation, and mine just happens to be all over town.
It's an easy-money occupation, a first-class psychiatry.
But just once, I'd wanna make love without taking off my clothes.
Just once, I wanna make love with somebody who really and truly knows:

(chorus)
Contrary to rumor, gigolos get lonely too.
All my lovers need stimulation, but honey babe, I think that I need you.

Maybe you're the kind of person, that could turn my world around.
Won't you gimme little inspiration? Maybe that's what I need to make me settle down.
It's an easy-money occupation, but honey one thing understand.
I've got more money than you could imagine in your wildest dreams.
But honey, money don't make no happy man.

(repeat chorus)

Just once, I wanna love without takin' off my clothes.
Just once, I wanna love with somebody who knows.
That I got more money than you could ever see.
But honey, money won't get me up off my knees.

Gigolos get lonely too.
All my lovers need stimulation.
But honey babe, I think that I need you.

(repeat chorus)

What cha gonna do, baby?
Oh, what cha, what cha gonna do?

Ah, do you think we could have dinner sometimes, baby?
Well, how about to night?
Baby?

Is that classic or what? So true so true. For once I would like to make love without taking off my clothes!!! I've done that before and it is so cool, and I don't mean just grinding. I mean someone being so into you that you feel them inside of you without even touching you. That shit is rare and scary but FUN.

SOMETIMES I GET LONELY
Hey girl, when are you comin' back?
Don't know what I'm supposed to do, to fill this emptiness.
Never thought I'd miss you, but this feelin' I can't hide.
It comes in the middle of the day and it stays through the night.

(chorus)
Sometimes I get lonely - When it's late at night.
I think of you only - When I want to hold somebody tight.
Sometimes I get lonely - And filled with emptiness.
Sometimes I get lonely - For love.

Baby, let me slow this thing down.
Think I need a change of pace, think I'll spread myself around.
There's only so much time in a day, and I've got things to do baby.
So I'm not gonna spend my time waiting on you.

Sometimes I get lonely - You better come home.
I think of you only - When I want to hold somebody tight.
Sometimes I get lonely - And filled with emptiness.
Sometimes I get lonely - For love.

(repeat chorus)

You're leavin' home - So when you're leavin' home?
Call me - And you're not comin' right back.
Just let me know, so I can find some happiness, somewhere else.

So what's it gonna be baby?
I think it's about time you start thinkin' about me.
Oooh, don't make me wait baby.
If you know what I'm talkin' about. Fellas, help me out.

Sometimes I get lonely - Hey girl.
I think of you only - When I want to hold... hold you.
Sometimes I get lonely - And filled with emptiness, hey girl.
Sometimes I get lonely - For love.

(repeat chorus)

All I have to say about this is that it makes me think of and miss my ex-husband. But it also makes me think of my current "boyfriend" and then I get real pissed off!

DON'T WAIT FOR ME
You think that you're in love with me
I think you're beautiful and should be free
I'm just a young man got lots of time
Right now that kind of thing isn't on my mind

Don't wait for me
I'll just make love to you girl
then set you free
I'm just a young man
What makes you think that I have the time
to be fallin in love in my prime

You think that I'm afraid of how it would be
Might be too cautious girl, don't blame me
time after time agian baby I've tried
don't take it personal girl I'm still on your side
Break it down
repeat chorus

Let me talk to you for a minute
I mean who wants to be in love
(I'm a bad influence on the word love)
Not me, not now

Repeat chorus

Your love is forever so you say
My love is reckless girl goes day to day
Girl can't you understand
baby don't be blind
I'm just a drifter girl, don't waste your time

Awesome Jesse Johnson guitar solo

Repeat chorus and fade

Possibly the pimpiest words ever spoken and possibly the most devastating words to hear. It's like, "it's not you, it's me". Yeah right! But I love this song when I'm singing it about someone else. I wish a n*gga would say some shit like this to me. All hell would break loose.

OUT ON A LIMB
Tender was the kiss when you held me captive in your sweet embrace
My lips begin to burn and my heart beats faster then the normal pace
I try hard to resist that familiar smile that melts me just like wax
But what’s the use, I’m yours and that means forever, there’s no turning back

Baby, baby, baby, it’s a mystery
Ooh, you got me spinning around, what have you done to me
Suspended animation, I’m lost inside of you
I feel so insecure and yet I’ve never felt so sure, what am I gonna do

I’m out on a limb
I’m giving in to you again
Baby, baby, I...I’m out on a limb
I’m giving in to you again

Sweeter than the taste of a midnight rendezvous, so sensual
The look upon your face when you loved me tender and my cup was full
Oh...softer than the sigh when it all was over and I slumbered deep
Lost inside of you like there’s no tomorrow as I fall fast asleep

Baby, baby, baby, it’s a mystery
Ooh, you got me spinning around, what have you done to me
Suspended animation, I’m lost inside of you
I feel so insecure and yet I’ve never felt so sure, what am I gonna do

I’m out on a limb
I’m giving in to you again
Baby, baby, I...I’m out on a limb
I’m giving in to you again

Hold me
Keep me warm inside you and love me
Love me right away
This one thing is true
I would die for you

Oh...oh...oh...oh...
Oh...oh...oh...oh...
Oh...oh...oh...baby

I’m out on a limb
I’m giving in to you again
Baby, baby, I’m out on a limb
I’m giving in to you again

Baby, I’m
Baby, I’m

Baby, I’m out on a limb for you
I’m giving in to you
I’m out on a limb
Baby, I’m giving in to you again

Ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh...
Baby, I’m out on a limb
I’m out on a limb
Baby, baby, I’m out on a limb
I’m on a limb
I’m giving in to you again, babe

Hmmm, who am I singing that one for? I'll never tell! I wouldn't die for anyone so that part isn't true, but the rest of it is pretty much on point. The person it makes me think of is not so obvious.

Why all the lyrics? Sometimes songs express my emotions better than I can. I'm still in a weird place, but maybe I'm just weird. In the past week the men have been on it like a fly to shit. I've gotten flowers and a dollar(thanks EV!!!) and drinks and been dancing and none of this from my so-called boyfriend. He's the one who seems so blase about me.

I'm honestly on the verge of being like FUCK YOU YOU NARCOLEPTIC, how you gonna sleep on me?! But then I don't wanna go there cuz maybe he's just not expressive. God that even sounded stupid didn't it? Am I naive or what? But the thing that keeps me from saying it is I really do care about my guy. He's been there for me when no one else was (except for 2 of my girls). IT's not like I want him to kiss my ass (that much) but I do have ADD (no seriously people I do have ADD- my attention span is nada). I get bored and drop dudes like nothing if they aren't acting up to par. It's not that I'm all that, it's just that for the man in my life I will pull out all the stops. I'm a romantic at heart. I hate for things to be too settled. I like to shake shit up with sexy little surprises and sweet ones too. But I refuse for it to be one sided. If I don't get it in return it isn't that hard for me to find someone who will. It's hard for me to find someone who will that I actually like though. GOD CHICAGO MEN ARE SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING BORING! No one can touch a New Yorker! They bring the noise, bring the funk! They are usually aggressive like I like my men. They always wear the flyest gear. Let me stop before I start crying over my ex. Those Harlem Blues aren't easy to shake, no matter how much time passes. Maybe that's why no man seems to be making the grade. My ex had some pretty big shoes to fill. My guy gets a B+ which is excellent for Ms. Smith's class. But my ex-husband was an A-.

Plus these other dudes that are showering me with attention probably just want to get into my panties. But then what if my guy is with me partially because he has an all access pass into my panties. I know that isn't the case, but what if? I guess you never know. He does seem to take for granted that I'm crazy about him, and I know it's because he's known me for so long, but we ain't been dating that long. We're still in the stage where he should be courting me to use an old word. He shows me that he cares in other ways, but I AM A WOMAN dammit. I need a little extra. IT's all making feel like the x-files, TRUST NO ONE!!!!

So I'm just gonna work on my millions. FUCK NIGGAZ GET MONEY. I'm tired of trying to figure it out. The one track train has officially derailed.

Rainy Day Random Rambles

Mood: Bored, reflective
Theme song of the day: So Sexy, Twista featuring R. Kelly

Not much to report. Just updating my site. I hate days like this where it is rainy cuz I get into a weird mood. I swear I have picked myself apart in every way possible. I have come to the conclusion that I am lazy and a procrastinator and I really got to work on that shit. It's not like I don't want to do stuff, but I just can't find the energy sometimes. Chicago is like cryptonite to me. People keep telling me if I don't like it I should leave, and I'm thinking of doing just that. The west coast seems to be beckoning. Cali or Vegas maybe.

And I am sad because B2K broke up and I saw a video this morning for Why I Love You. My friend thinks I am crazy for liking those little boys, but they are legal now dammit. J Boog is such a cutie and can dance his little ass off. Plus he's a Leo. OK, maybe a grown woman shouldn't know all that about a boy band, but their music was bumpin, and I think I'm gonna go buy You Got Served.

I want to marry Andre 3000. I think we would really dig each other. We could read each other poetry and braid each other's hair and our sons could play together. We could wear matching kilts and shinpads. Maybe he'd let me wear his Love Below jacket. That would be so cool. I remember when they were broke and didn't tip me when I was waiting tables at Magic City in Atlanta.

What happened to DeeeLite? I think I'll listen to them right now. I also wonder what happened to an old fuck buddy of mine Taj. He kind of went crazy on me, hmm I'm noticing a pattern. Maybe I'm driving them crazy! Or maybe I'm the crazy one. Maybe it's both. Just wondered about him out the blue. We used to write each other poetry. He was a sensitive thug. A crazy gung ho Marine. But he wrote me a poem about Rainy Days back in 98. Will someone out there in bloggerville write me a poem? Puhlease? A good one though, not some cheezy couplet crap. Something sexy and abstract please. Challenge my mind.

AB is beautiful when he sleeps. I look like shit when I sleep. Why do men look better in the morning?

Will someone out there buy me a car please. Or at least Pimp my ride!

Do fish freak out when I cook fish? Do they cry for their soon to be eaten breatheren?

A Peice of the Action with Bill Cosby and Sidney Poitier is a hilarious movie. Rent it people, if for nothing else but to see Bill Cosby dancing in a retro/throwback Chicago Cubs jacket that I must have.

Summer summer summer time, Summertime!

Mood: Introspective, reflective, hopeful
Theme song of the day:Open your Eyes by Bobby Caldwell

Damn that is a great song. It's the song Common sampled for The Light. I gotta share the lyrics with y'all cuz they are deep, and well, I'm sending a not so subliminal message to someone (AB), and shit, to myself too, and everyone who has experienced a heartbreak and is still healing!

I see you, in a lonely place
How can you be so blind?
You're still regretting the love you left, left behind
Oh darlin'
I've seen you go through the changes
sitting alone each night
Are you expecting to find a love
love that's mine?

Chorus
Darlin open your eyes
Let me show you the light
Bou you'll never find a love that's right
Darlin open your eyes
Let me show you the light
Boy you think you're so wise, so wise

There are times, when you'll need someone
I will be by your side
I'd take my chance before they pass, pass me by
Oh darlin'
There is a light that shines
Special for you and me
You need a look at the other side
You'll agree
Darlin' open your eyes

Let me show you the light
You may never find a love that's right
Darlin' open your eyes
Let me show you the light
You may never find a love that's right
Darlin' open your eyes
Let me show you the light
You may never find a love that's right
Darlin' open your eyes
Let me show you the light
Boy you think you're so wise
You may never find a love that's right.


Well summer has finally arrived. I love Chicago in the summer, but there's also a reason why I hate it. There's all this romantic shit to do, and I for some odd reason, NEVER have a boyfriend in the summer. There's the Taste, Ravinia, and a million other festivals, and I love hanging with my girls, but there's something special about taking a moonlit stroll by Buckingham Fountain with someone you care about. I wouldn't know, because I've never done it, but it SEEMS fun.

Now I have someone special that I care about that cares about me too, but we're more like best buddies than boyfriend/girlfriend. That's my peeps, and there's plenty of friendship and passion but not what you would call romance. I ain't complaining, because since we've been kicking it, life is so much sweeter. That's my dog and my heart! But I am spoiled to death. I'm used to a man, basically kissing my ass, which he will never do, and I probably wouldn't want him to, but every now and then, I want someone to send me flowers and make me feel like the prettiest girl in the world. I've been laced with some pretty nice shit in the past, and had really sweet romantic things done for me, but all good things come to an end.

It's wild how I have "fans" of my modeling, and I get emails from guys who claim they'd love to date me, would love me forever, yada yada yada. But when it comes to the real deal, that shit always seems to escape my grasp. But it's all good, cuz the men I end up all crazy in love with, and the ones who are all crazy in love with me, always end up being just plain crazy! Friendship trumps all that, and he is a true friend.

And I did say that 2004 was gonna be the year of Team Meta, I planned on kicking it with a bunch of dudes casually, like 5 of them and a couple of benchriders and practice squad players. But for some reason that isn't so appealing anymore. Uh, and that shit didn't pan out quite like I had planned. I made some serious cuts early in the season. Guess I'm just a one track train after all, no matter how hard I try to be otherwise. I don't wanna be a playa no more. I'm getting too old! But I can't say I'm ready to be someone's WOMAN either. I gotta get some areas of my life together before I bring someone else in on that level, because the next MAN I have is gonna marry my ass. Shit, the crown prince of Norway married a commoner, with an illegitamte child and who used to date a drug lord, so there's still hope for me yet! Someday my Prince will come, shit he might be here now and I just don't know it yet. I'm keeping hope alive, but I ain't looking for nuthin because my track record in finding my own man is shot the fuck out! What is meant to be will be. I'm having a lot of fun (and a lot of steamy, sweaty, sexy nights) in the meantime.

Speaking of Princes, there are only 43 more days until the concert! Still haven't come up with an outfit yet. I think I may crochet a lilac dress. That will be hot. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. Get my full Gigi Hunter on!

But on to what's really important! Can I have a dollar? For real! I need to get this book out and some new dj equipment. Help a sistah out. I'm gonna keep asking till y'all help me. DOLLA DOLLA BILL Y'ALL!