OJ, perhaps?

Question: what kind of people buy knives at almost 1 in the morning from ShopAtHomeTV? Channel surfing...ran across the "Bowie Blowout." Who needs 228 Bowie knives? Really now.

And who orders the "Who's Your Daddy Liquidation" 217-piece knife collection? They said I could understand why it's called the "Who's Your Daddy Liquidation", but I really don't. When i think "who's your Daddy", trust, knives are the farthest thang from my dirty mind.

And who the fuck needs an autographed Dale Earnheart(sp?) knife? Uh, wasn't he a NASCAR driver? (Isn't that further proof that you gotta be VERY wary of people who drive 500 miles...IN A FRICKIN CIRCLE! And the fools who watch it. I mean honestly, you could go to the park or cruise strip on a summer nightand see folks drive in a circle! And you could get a hot dog and possibly a number from a guy not rockin' a mullet while you're at it. I'm just sayin'!)

OK and is it legal to sell a 12 pound sword? No really, this shit is a fucking SWORD! Engarde! I challenge you to a dual! And the handle is made in the shape of the White House, and the shaft of the sword is embossed with the Washington Monument and the initials DC. There's a Marine Core sword too (right, like Marines need more knives!).

I swear, I couldn't make this shit up. I'm not under the influence, unless you count peach Arbor Mist (and for the record I don't count it, it's like 12 Proof), so my mind ain't playin tricks on me. These ain't steak knives. These are shank yo baby daddy knives! Hmmmm......there's a thought.

Anyhoo, At the risk of catching a case, I'm gonna lock my credit card away and pretend my phone is disconnected so that I don't do something I may regret later. But these folks are really pushing the knives. And I am a shopoholic.

But fur reel dough, who orders the effen knives? Who do they really think is buying this? (Oh no, serial killers don't buy our knives, just all the other knives.) Granted 217 knives for $299.97 is very cheap, and the 3 pay option of $99.99 is great. (Hey I love a sale) AND There are 30 sheaths that you get for absolutely free! And I'm hearing about all kinds of shivs I never knew existed, like silver bullets and silent shadows. (Uh sure, these knives are for hunting. Right. Sound like baby daddy killas to me!) $1.38 per shank, with "miracle edges" really must be a good deal. And to think, I thought I had the real scoop and was on some old McGuyver shit because I know how to make a shank with a toothbrush, saran wrap and a lighter. (Trust... if some shit goes down, you want me on your team. Don't let the pretty face fool ya! South Side! Wild Wild Hundreds represent!) But I feel like...ooh there's a Navy Seal knife! Sorry got a little distracted. I feel like, this is not just disturbing, but dangerous.

Wait a fucking minute. Fools can sell shanks on tv, but I can't carry my MAC foundation and Motions conditioner on the plane? Amerikkka is sooooooooo FUCKED UP! Priorities gubment...PRIORITIES! Make up and beauty products=good. Knives at a volume discount=mass homicide. You do the math Bush, you do the math. Oh wait, I forgot you can't count. Or read. Or speak coherently. Nevermind!

Oh look, 40 inch swords! Take that all you dudes who think you're packing! 40 INCHES! That's hung!